Queen Ali

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
teddysheeranfics

Anonymous asked:

ed gets a tattoo of a pickle on his pickle

holysheerios answered:

You, a renowned tattoo artist, had never expected Ed Sheeran to walk in asking for a phallic tattoo one evening.

He seemed shy at first, as you made sure he wasn’t kidding.

“I’ve thought, er, long and, er, hard about this,” he said, “and I think I really want to go through with this.”

“That is going to really hurt,” you said, eager to take the ungodly amount of money he was holding at you.

“I know,” he replied, “but I want this dink.”

“This what??” You asked.

“Dink. It’s like, a dick ink. Now can we please get to it.” He said.

He followed you back to the room where he stripped his cargo shorts and plaid boxers off, exposing perhaps the largest and most fiery groin you had seen in all your days.

Naturally, you had to grab ahold of the schlong before you could ink it. “I want a pickle.” He demanded.

You began, and he took the whole thing with a steely face. The inevitable happened, and he got a massive hard on.

“Like my song says,” he explained, “you know it can get hard sometimes.”

You nodded, perfecting your work of the pickle. By the end you had approximately an 8 inch long replica of the object on his penis.

“Thank you,” he said, without further explanation as he put his love baton back into the confines of his pants.

“No probs,” you said. You felt like you’d seen weirder. You’d been on a few blogs.

“No seriously,” Ed insisted. “Now I can whip this shit out at parties and call it a Dickle. My life is complete.”

teddysheeranfics

I.  Am.  Fucking.  Pissing. My.  Actual.  PANTS

OH MY GOD I love you so much 

theoriginalsheerioqueen

best thing ever

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